Love this! Your article pinpoints why a relationship between black and white women can be — distant and possibly difficult. Your article forces me to look at a couple I know. A black man of West Indian parentage, married to a white woman. And what irks me is the power dynamics and the role that I don’t want to play.
The woman’s husband I feel suffers from an inferiority complex and worships the floor this wife treads on. He is also quite deferential towards his mixed race children, especially when they blatantly chastise him and correct him, and he does not take offence. Several times the husband has asked me to intervene when they have arguments as to him, not wanting his daughter to spend ‘sleepovers‘ at a friend’s house or when she cannot see the need for their kids to pursue a higher education. The problem is that my husband and this guy are friends and my hubby patronisingly believes that I overthink some of these things.
The point is, though, not once, in the time I known her, have we ever had a discussion about the problems of racism in the UK. This annoys me! As she’s incurious and oblivious to all what is going on. And I guess, as a result, she finds me distant and really doesn’t ‘get’ me. She feels that she makes a good enough effort to be nice and would like to be closer, because of our husbands but doesn't know what to do to bridge the gap.
On my own part, as a person, I too, have an idea of the kind of relationship I expect of potential friends. It would have to be equal, balanced: I can listen, talk, share and understand, feel, empathise and be there. As with my black female friends, it does not mean racism is always the grand topic of conversation as I also love discussing books, politics of the day, Brexit and whether or not, Kim Kardashian’s responsible for making her husband to be unwoke!
But I have found in my own experience, it is very difficult to endure the weight of somebody’s ignorance, and more so, if they fail to realise how oppressive it can be.
