I think this article brilliantly summarises what I’ve ‘achieved’ and because I’ve done this, I now feel guilty for ‘selling out’ now that I’ve arrived (if you can call it that!)

‘Flawless’ for me is, using modifiers to distract from who you are so that you can ‘pass’ and enter so-called acceptability. I decided long ago as there was nothing I could do about being a dark-skinned woman, I could relax my hair (which I did and have been doing) I could polish up my speech by eliminating any as you say, ‘black vernacular’ and pronouncing my ‘p’s’ and ‘q’s’, that I read current books by white authors and to really make sure that whenever I’m in ‘their’ company, my aim should be to make them feel ‘comfortable’. That overall, I should be like a blank canvas where they’re able to print their image, their understanding, their world view and have it reflected back at them.

Over the years I’ve found that this strategy works as it has gotten me jobs, helped me to be invited into middle-class homes and even live in a suburb where the neighbours and passers-by no longer raise their eyebrows each time they see me! The downside of this is as I have given a convincing and ‘flawless’ performance, I am considered ‘one of them’. Which means I’m not expected to talk about black issues nor complain about the police and possess a healthy view of capitalism.

The positive thing of all this is, we (black women and black men)can talk about this and give ourselves permission to step out of this acting and rediscover who we are.